My God how I hate you.

I certainly gave you whatever you wanted.
I definitely let my life revolve around you.
I put my life on the line more than seven times just to come and see you.
I always pleasured you while you gave me nothing in return.
I took you back after cheating on me twice and what did you learn...?
I opened, to you, my entire heart, and thought you had too.
I poured out my love and every sweet word I could over you.
We made so many fucking memories.
I did so fucking much with you.
I guess you don't remember them, cuz if you did, we wouldn't be through.
I can't believe you said You loved me, and acted like you did.
That's the biggest bold faced lie Ive ever heard and you can't convince me otherwise.
tl;dr, I fucking hate you.

This is a story. Rated R.

The most unfortunate thing happened to me today. I lost my job. But it wasn’t the fact that I lost my job that upset me. In fact, I wanted to lose my job. It’s the manner in which I lost my job that upsets me. I loved a girl at work, which is fine, but I suppose that it’s when you express your love that you get in trouble. Love, in the work setting, is not perceived as love. It’s stripped down to the carnal desires of the thing. It’s called “sexual harassment” and has taboos around it. But I wanted to be with the girl that I loved. The only problem, I suppose, is that she didn’t love me.

Eventually, she told my boss about my love for her, which as I said, had all sorts of taboos around it. My boss came to talk to me about it. He reprimanded me for harassing her sexually. I didn’t try to correct him and tell him that I simply loved her. I took his talking to and didn’t mouth off or quit, because that wasn’t the manner in which I wanted to leave me job.

I still loved the girl at work. I suppose that even if I tried, I couldn’t stop loving her. Love is a complicated venture, which is embarrassed by the work environment. They make it seem so indecent, so sexually driven. They don’t see the beauty in it. They don’t realize that love is such a strong emotion, and that it can’t be restricted or contained.

It seemed that she became less and less taken by me. Sometimes afraid. I can’t imagine why.

She told the boss about my love for her again. My boss gave me a final warning, and told me that I was going to be fired the next time that he received a complaint. I was angry, but I kept my anger in. This wasn’t how I wanted to lose my job. However, this made me dislike my boss even more. I began to feel sorry for him, though. He probably didn’t have love. He probably didn’t know what love was, outside of prostitutes. Maybe this was why he stripped it down to only it’s carnal desires.

I wouldn’t see her for hours because she would be on lunch break twice and three times a day, or so it seemed. That or the other guys at work would stop me from approaching her. I resented them all for the disregard for love, and became sad because they all probably only dealt with prostitutes, and therefore only saw love for it’s carnal desires.

It came to the day when I decided to leave work. The girl that I loved was there, and I saw her, and the boss didn’t say anything to me. So I took out my gun and I shot her. And then I shot my boss. And then I loved her body and propped my boss up against the wall and made him watch. I wanted his eyes to understand the true meaning of love. It wasn’t carnal. It was gentle. It was beautiful.

One of the guys saw me loving her dead body and was startled. He shot me in the arm with my own gun three times and wrestled me out of the building where he called the police. This wasn’t how I wanted to leave work. I wanted to leave with their bodies, and teach my boss an eternal lesson about love.

I wrote a bunch of thoughts on a sheet of paper while listening to BMSR.

I sleep on missing you
And I burn as long
As my cord is pulled
You pull my plug and drain
Me. You forget about last night

I want to be next to your
voice,
But you
Stock it with
White holes
And black
Tar

Waiting in time is suspenseful
Surreal
In this instance
I'm trapped in the wait

Calm down and throw me up;
It's half
Over
And I'm half
Dead

Suzy you
Slept on me,
Only kept you up for
Half an hour
Suzy you
Slept on me,
Why not
Wait a little longer?

You don't really miss me,
You're just taking what the
Doctor prescribed
And kissing your mom
Before you sleep

I can't think that you don't care;
You can't be expected to sit on something
You don't mind

I want to cry--
Silence is better than a contribution
And reasons are floors
In a burning house
I can't get in
And you won't get out

Am I such an afterthought
That you don't
Get the eyes
That I have

If sometimes I have to be away
You're already
There, you're already
There

You never
Miss what's
Out of earshot

My tone must
Be lost and
Your ears must drown
The hurts falls
Off around midday
The control towers sleeps;
The signal decays

I'm left alone
To holes
And I creep into
Them at night, mom
Why keep me up and away?

I embrace that loving you
Involves investment with
Minimum interest

But I love you and these are all feelings
You have to understand that I hurt
Because three-fourths
Of my soul
Lie in
You.

Aubrey tells me that I was high.

Scissors are only meant for one thing. Scissors are meant to open up the gate to the realm... DUDE! Did you know that there's a whole other place out there, did you know that? ...I was sleeping with scissors one time, no I think it was my dog I think she was the scissors that time and this whole thing grew from them...

I saw this guy with a shark and he was throwing it around at people and it was really sad because there were babies inside of the shark.

I wasn't picking my nose, I was making a new world.

Calculators sometimes they have these things and they get angry, NO! Calculators are used sometimes when you have to do things. Sometimes calculators are used because sometimes in war people don't know how to use their walkie talkies.

Cuz sometime Aubrey and I were in a sweatshop... (after being asked where we met)

You don't put rings on English

I was gonna say the sharpener... not the garden or anything.

Tyrannosaurus rex have very big nails and when they cut you, it's like a spaceship.

NO he has a black (something) helicopter and he's gay!

OKAY, if you know so much about ranger Dave what kind of child does he have? He has a boat child and he rides it sometimes. In episode four, why didn't he go to the prom? Because his grandma cut off his leg and was like, here come stitch it back on.

This won't fit, it's like, it's like a bunny. (In reference to USB cord for MP3)

Zach's scary.

You only have four noses

I'm never happy.

I'm never happy
The elephant flows from my legs
The elephant cuts up the floor
The elephant drinks my drinks
The elephant kisses my girl

I'm never happy
There's only one instance where I'm gone
And the sky doesn't bleed blue
That I'm okay with the lights outside
And the sunflower doesn't touch the wall,
And you're absence isn't on my mind

I'm never happy
And cloudless cover belittles my name
Sounds and hearts creep up on me
If my legs were silent, there would be no time
In time, with a beat, no time's gaze
And I frown downward into the space

I'm never happy
There's never much rainbow in my teeth
Only too many cobwebs in my mouth
There's a frog on your mind,
A frog under your hat,
And a kiss on your tongue
I can feel it;
The open sky tells me so

I'm never happy
The smile never comes galloping fervently,
It never imposes and lights my candle
The smile never takes me out

I'm never happy
This night should be wasted on romance,
Not multicolored gigglings and story
The horse sits and puts it's fingers in it's mouth
And validity rides away on strawberries and the backs of the leaves

I'm never happy
You're always with someone else
And the twigs under my feet scream "not me"
And the twigs under my feet scream "not me"
There's only cream under my eyes

This situation is boneless,
Boneless and awkward
Children only see it,
The bones cycling down
The lion winging our lines
This situation is boneless,
Its name is "tortoise shells mowed down"

I'm never happy
With me there's never a crown
I'm never happy
With you is always a saber
And a fine lad on your arm
The leaves all crinkle your name,
But there's always a knife in there somewhere
Though you told me you'd stay away

I'm never happy
There are always too many stars,
And this sunset is better painted with you
I'm never happy enough to drown,
For the light never quite touches my skin.

So, speaking of fire
I'm burning.

There's a crash of twenty souls in here,
And a constant slide of land after land after land
And the wrist falls upon the neck
And checks to see if the truth is really there
But the heart beats, and so it must be alive
She says so and so it is
But this volcano erupts anyway
Because I've lost the limelight.

God damn.

I'm trying to leak ink onto the computer
But my god damn pen's backed up
And my god damn mind is fucked up
And my god damn fingers don't like to type
I'm trying to write a few somethings
But my god damn imagination is quarantined
And my god damn thoughts are marginalized
And my god damn feelings are quelled
I can't write anything
'Cuz my god damn everything doesn't work.
God damnit.